A Trait of the Heart:
Coachability/Mentoring/Protégé Part #1
Proverbs 14:6 A scoffer seeks Wisdom in vain
[for his very attitude blinds and deafens him to it], but knowledge is easy to
him who [being teachable] understands. AMP
We
have a desperate need for mentors, coaches and protégés. Dr Howard G. Hendricks
in his article A Mandate For Mentoring said, “Unfortunately, the epitaph of many a man is
well expressed in the words "Died, age 26; buried, age 64." If you stop
learning and growing today, you stop ministering [serving and succeeding]
tomorrow.”
There are always five kinds of
relationships in our lives. Once we learn this we will be more
comfortable with the different people God puts in our lives. These five main
relationships are networkers {contacts}, friends, partners, mentors and
protégés. Most people meet us in the
network stage and that all they will ever be.
Not everyone will be a friend or partner, mentor or protégé these are
reserved for the few. In this article we
will look at mentors/coaches and protégés. In my view I cannot separate the
mentor/coach as two kinds of people. I will talk about that later.
· Mentors
produce change in us. We hear them speak, we talk to them on
the phone, and we hang out with and engage them. We read their books and listen
to their CD’s and podcasts. God puts them in our life so we can learn from them.
These are life changers and we are not the same because of them. Mentors value
the people God puts in their life.
· The
protégé learns from us. A wise mentor also learns from them.
God puts them in our life so they can grow and reach the plan and purpose for
our lives. We help them grow and be better. We all need to be and have mentors {coaches}
and a protégés. This could be a pastor,
parent or an expert in a particular field. Effective mentors have been a
successful protégé.
Let me begin with some
housekeeping. If you’re super-spiritual or independent crowd
that say “I only need God” or pitifully the “all I need is me” crowd, you might
not want to read on. Those expressions
sound great all by themselves but they are flawed. The truth is thankfully that
GOD, by his grace has provided people to help ALL of us. Now, I would never bring into doubt in any
way our desperate need of God. Christ proved that we are bankrupt without him.
But God has provided leaders, teachers, parents, mentors and coaches to help us
according to his will and word. Even God became a man and lived and
coached/mentor/disciple a group of people. Jesus submitted himself to his
parents and his heavenly Father. On the other hand, if you’re not interested in
helping other people you will reap what you have planted. To be successful we
need to be both on the receiving and giving end of coaching. Being coachable is
essential to success. The bible
states that a scoffer even though he says he wants wisdom is blind and deaf to
it. But coachable people understand. Even Paul trying to instruct “over-saved
people” {as the comedian Michael Jr. calls this condition} is anything but
funny. The fact is that really spiritual people listen to those people God puts
in their life. Paul wrote the
Corinthians and said “If you claim to be a
prophet or think you are spiritual, you should recognize that what I am saying
is a command from the Lord himself.” {1 Corinthians 14:37}
A word on a
finding a great coach, “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with
fools and get in trouble.”
{Proverbs 13:20}. A great
coach not only tells you what needs
to be changed, he gives you the method to change it and helps you achieve the
necessary change. Most importantly they
live what they preach. “A great
coach has great values. Christian and
moral values are essentials in a coach. A coach in a real sense is a mentor and
teacher. A teacher may not be a mentor
but you cannot mentor without teaching and you cannot coach without mentoring.
You will become like the person you are influenced by. So ask yourself what are
your mentor’s values? A mentor is a value transferor. If they are only after
money, success at any cost {nothing wrong with success but not at any cost} and
have no family values you will reflect them. Do they keep their word? What are their main
relationships like? If you ask and they are insulted or incredulous you may want
another coach. People who cannot be transparent are bad leaders. They share
failures and successes both personal and professional. If they have a heart for
God, family, church and are a balanced person this is key.
No matter their area of expertise is will be
couched in these values. My
friend Gary Kantola used to say that, “He
loves everyone, but only certain people are allowed to get close because they
affect the way that his thinks and the way he thinks affects his life. We
must trust God to put good people in our life.
Coaches make us trade in our
couches. John Maxwell says, “To be coachable you have
to be approachable.”
You have to be willing for people to come into your life as teachers and
advisers. You have to be willing to let
people speak wisdom into your life. Knowing that something’s our coaches’ say
may hurt our feeling but help our life. Coaches make us trade in our couches.
They teaches us to live and embrace being uncomfortable. It’s the only way we
advance. You find out for sure if a
person is coachable when they are confronted with their faults.
People who are coachable “are not
know it all’s.”
Remember, its one thing
to have talent and influence and another to know how to use it. Talent may get
you there, but character will keep you there. You most likely will not get
“there” {wherever there is} without a coach. You need people in your life that can train
you and help you to maximize your potential. I have known people with so much
talent that they could have accomplished great things in their life, but they
would not let anyone coach them because they thought they knew it all, and they
were never able to capitalize on their potential. Allow people to coach you, to
teach you, to help you. It can be tough, because at times they have to change
the way you are used to doing things, they have to tear something down to
rebuild it better than it was, they may have to change your focus, but in the
end you will be a better player. Athletes Have Coaches. Why Not Everyone Else? It's a given that professional athletes need
regular coaching to keep them at the top of their game. So is the same true for everyone else. What’s
your game? Do you want to be at the top of your game? Get a coach.
A Trait of the Heart: Coachability
Part #2 Next time
